My Brother's Journey

Mother’s Day

My mother is the most beautiful person I have ever met. Her smile and laugh are captivating. Her eyes tell a story of strength, perseverance, wisdom and kindness. Her beauty is not superficial it is only enhanced by what makes her who she is. I am lucky to be able to call this incredible woman mom. She is my confidant and keeps every secret of mine locked away. She is my teacher and has given me guidance through every struggle I have ever faced. She is my cheerleader and when I lose faith in myself she’s in my corner screaming “You can do this! You can do anything!” She is my role model and everything I do in life is to strive to become the woman that she is. My mother has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She will literally give anything within her means to those who need it. My mother is the image of a strong woman. She has never left my brother’s side, never has she even asked for a “me day”. She worked day in and day out to provide for my brother and I. She made sure we were fed when she herself was forced to skip a meal. She made sure we were comfortable, happy. Our wants were hers as well, she put our needs before all else. I can only imagine what it must have been like to have been mom until this point. I can guarantee you that 75% of her gray hairs are courtesy of yours truly. I was a handful, a mess. My mom, even when I strayed, has never been anything but supportive of me. She took my fits of teenage angst in stride. She has loved me every moment of my life and she has made sure that I have known. My mom is everything I aspire to be. When I have my own children I can only hope to be half of the parent that she is.

I love you mommy. Thank you, for everything. I hope that you never doubt how incredible you are and how phenomenal of a mother you’ve always been. Happy Mother’s Day.

The power of Magic

     Of all things to bring me to believe that there is still good in human nature I never expected it to be Reddit. 

     For those of you who know Dan you know he was a regular at FANATIX for FNM. For those of you who didn’t know it, now you do. Friday nights he would play Magic with his friends Bart and Sean. I remember him leaving basic being bummed he couldn’t go and when he came back for Christmas exodus it was one of the first things he planned to do. 

     Since the accident Magic the Gathering has become more important to us. Shortly after Brobro’s accident Phillip, the owner of the store, held a benefit tournament to help us with some of the necessities of being in Mississippi with Dan. Since then I myself have gotten into the game and of course, gave my loyalty to FANATIX. I cannot say enough about this store, the community of the tabletop gamers and their loyalty to my brother. Since being released to the VA hospital Dan has been able to make it to a couple of the FNMs, each time I hear about how much fun he had and I hear from the guys how awesome it is to see him.

     Last night someone posted a picture of Dan playing Magic with Josh helping him onto Reddit. The support of strangers is overwhelming. People in similar situations sharing their stories warms my heart to no end.

     Thank you to FANATIX, especially Phillip, for all of the support. Thank you to all of the ladies and gents at the FNMs who treat my brother the same way as they did when he came into the store a year ago. We love you guys.

There are days like today when I lay in bed after working a mentally exhausting day and I think about how I don’t want to do it again tomorrow. I think about how easy it would be to evade “adulthood”, even though it has been chasing me for more years than I can count. In the midst of my self pity and doubt I always have a moment of clarity. That moment when I say to myself “it’s time to put up or shut up”, time to practice what I so often preach. For a little more than a year now I have told my brother not to give up, that if he finds no other reason to do it for me. I expect him to exceed limitations doctors have set for him, limits he may have set for himself. I ask him to give his all and then give a little more for me. Why do I get to be selfish and not do the same for him? Among the many lessons my little brother has taught me, one sticks out brighter than any other. Never become complacent, never give just enough to get by. When you think you’ve done all you can dig a little deeper and you will find you have more to give. The only person who can set limitations upon you is yourself and even when you’ve hit them they can still be surpassed. Always strive to be something bigger than yourself.

Never, ever give up.

Tomorrow my brother has another appointment with yet another doctor. I know that no matter what they tell him, somehow he will find a way to get what he wants. He has a determination instilled in him that I only wish I could take credit for. A strength that I can only stand back and admire and hope I will possess one day. 

I love you Brobro. Even though you don’t need it, good luck tomorrow. I hope we get some good news.

Happy second birthday!

For the vast majority of Dan’s life I have under estimated him. I always thought that I would be the one guiding him through life. I thought I would be the role model, the person he could look up to. My brother has proven in the last 365 days that I could never possess HALF of the strength he harnesses, both mentally and physically. Not once have I heard him say I can’t or I won’t. Not once have I seen him refuse to try to do something. Not once have I doubted him or his capabilities. The doctors said he wouldn’t wake up, he has. They said he would never speak, he does. They said he would never walk, he is. He has crushed every “prediction”, every goal. He is not bound by limitations only infinite possibility.

One year ago today was single handedly the hardest day I have ever had to face in my life. In all other circumstances where I thought I really had it bad, a portion of control was still in my hands. The day of Daniel’s accident, for the first time in my life, there was not a single thing I could do to change the situation. There was no factor, no variable that I could manipulate to change the outcome. For the first time in my life I was utterly and completely helpless; helpless, but not hopeless.

When you think of making someone proud you think of beating the odds and achieving some great milestone. I’ve said this before but my very first memory was the day Daniel was born. From that moment until now I have felt nothing but pride for my baby brother and it will never change. My brother is a hero to heroes. He is an example of overcoming the most difficult of obstacles. He is the poster boy of accomplishment. He is the most incredible human being I have ever known. No matter where he goes in life, no matter what job he takes, no matter what degree he does or does not possess, it is his character that makes me most proud of him. He has done in a year what myself and most others could not accomplish in a lifetime.

This is not a day we should look back on in sadness. It is a day we should celebrate. It is a day we can say “Damn, look how far you’ve come.” A day we can smile because he was not taken from us. A day we were all given a second chance.

The past year has invoked so many different emotions, some I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. Today, all I will feel is complete, total, unwavering joy. Today I will celebrate my brother’s life, a second birthday. I hope you will as well.

Daniel, you are the most incredible man. I have never been more proud of someone in my life. I aspire to have your strength and courage; I dream of possessing your drive and determination. You are amazing and I hope you never, ever forget that. You are changing so many lives just by doing what you naturally do. You are inspiring, not only to myself but to others. I love you so much I could never describe it. I am so lucky to have you in my life and to have gotten a second chance to be a better big sister. You are my best friend. I would be so lost without you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Also, I’m crying…you’ve done your job. ;)

I love you.

     After the accident, while Dan was still in his coma, I went back through all the letters and things I had that he had made or written to me. I noticed that he signed everything Love Ya or with a little heart and then his name. He never wrote out I love you. Once Daniel woke up and started working on being able to write again I asked him if he would write I love you for me. It was the first thing, other than Dan, that he wrote. After he did I had the idea to make it a tattoo.

This past weekend I went to Inkwell in Belleville, IL and this is what we came up with. We cleaned it up a little, took away a couple stray lines but it’s still Brobro’s handwriting.

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is even if we’re apart I’ll always be with you.” And now, you’ll always be with me too. :)

I love you, brobro.

     Each time I get to visit Dan has one mission: make Laura cry. Every time I have been there, whether he has seen it or not, he has been successful.

     I was lucky enough to fly down to Augusta Thursday night and I returned home last Sunday. During my trip Dan and I got to spend a lot of quality time together. Whether it was laying on the bed watching TV or cheering for the River Hawks (GO HAWKS!) we were pretty much inseparable the whole time I was there. Not once, during the whole visit, did Dan use his wheelchair. Last time I saw him, New Year’s Eve, it was 90% chair and 10% walking. In a month it became 100% using his walker and 0% chair. To say I am proud of him would be a drastic understatement. 

     Brobro, I love you. You are the most incredible man I know. I am so proud of you for all the things you have done and overcome. I cannot wait to see what you will continue to do and the ways you will continue to improve. I hope that you never doubt your strength or determination. Only you can tell yourself you are done getting better, only you can prevent yourself from making progress. Every doctor has been wrong, you’ve blown us all away, keep it up. You are my hero, really and truly. The past year has been a test, it has held some of the worst days and some of the best. Through this all our family has grown so much closer and stronger. You are the best little/big brother I could ever ask for. You’re my best friend. I love your guts. :)

Valentine’s Day

     Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate those you love and to show them how deeply you care and appreciate them. Who better to spend it with than family? My Brobro is my hero. He has overcome so many obstacles and has shown more strength than I could ever hope to possess. He is one of the kindest people I know with the biggest heart. He is the one man who has stood beside me my whole life, who has had my back through thick and thin. My Brobro is my best friend; he knows all of my faults, my fears, my secrets and still loves me despite of them. The day he was born is, hands down, the best day of my life thus far.

     Mom and I were talking once and she told me she loved Daniel more than I do because she gave birth to him. My response was that while she may have done just that I am the only one in the world who shares exactly the same DNA as him so she only loves him half as much as I do. It’s silly, of course, but we are the only two alike in the whole world. 8 billion people in the world and we were picked for each other. I don’t think they could have done a better job either.

     I love you Brobro. You are the most important person in the world to me (tied with mom). Happy Valentine’s Day.

Merry Christmas!

     I know you’ve all had times in your lives when you’re extremely worn down. The days seem to run together and you’re stuck in a melancholy rut. I’ve been stuck in one of those phases. The past couple of weeks or so it has seemed like everything has gone wrong, one thing after the other. But, as soon as I saw mom and Dan coming down the hallway of the terminal Saturday it all disappeared. Seeing my brother smile and hearing his laugh is like medicine to my soul. No matter how down I am he can always make me smile. Being able to spend the past few days with him has brought me back to a good place. 

     As Christmas rapidly approaches I hope you all find this sort of comfort in your loved ones. May the smiles, laughter and love be plenty. May the pitter patter of little feet dancing around eagerly awaiting the presents Santa brought warm your heart. Allow yourself the day to indulge in all the pleasant things the holidays bring. Don’t get wrapped up in the superficial, the gifts. Hold each other near as if you’ll never have to let go. May the joy of the holidays bring a peace to your heart that almost no other holiday can bring. My wish for you is that you are all surrounded by peace, love, comfort and joy. 

     To those of you serving in the military that are not home to spend the holiday’s with your families, I deeply and sincerely thank you for all you do. Without your sacrifices, great and small, we would not be able to celebrate the way we do.

Merry Christmas, from our family to yours.

-Laura

     Sometimes there are things that knock you flat on your ass and make you realize just how selfish and ungrateful you have been. I am having one of those days. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day to day activities of life, the routines, that we act more robotic than human. We go from point A to point B and do whatever it is that needs to be done without varying from that course. We don’t stop to appreciate the beauty of the world around us. Unfortunately what it typically takes for us to really appreciate life is a drastic situation. There have been so many of them lately both in our own individual lives, the national occurances like in Connecticut and on a worldwide level. I admit the vast majority of my 23 years of living I have been unappreciative and ungrateful of the world around me. The people I have met that have become friends and family that I truly love. The places I have had the chance to live in and visit. Simply walking outside, breathing fresh air and looking at the sun shine down on my skin. I’ve taken all of it for granted for far too long. 

     In our personal journey we nearly missed tragedy and we were fortunate enough not to have been met by it. We continue to grow daily and become much better people than we were nine months ago. Our relationships with each other have never been better, our bonds never stronger. We are so very lucky to be where we are today. We have overcome diversity before and this is just another obstacle for my family to conquer. In the end we will be better for it. Not only that but I still have my brother. I can still hear him say he loves me; I can still see that incredible smile that lights up a whole room; I still get to hear that laugh that, while it has changed, is contagious; I still get that look after I say something incredibly stupid. Life is dark but it is light, it is ugly and it is the most beautiful thing. 

     This holiday season take a look around and appreciate all you have and all you’ve been given. I received the greatest presents much before Christmas. I was given the gift of watching my brother wake back up from his coma, the gift of hearing his voice as he found it after months of not being able to speak, the gift of watching him walk into a room with the motivation of being able to walk me down the aisle if I ever get married. We were given the gift of second chances. Open your hearts, not boxes filled with things you don’t really need. Love each other with all your being. Hold each other close. Appreciate, enjoy, and take nothing for granted. 

-Laura

     I know I haven’t posted in a long while and I deeply apologize, especially since the last time I posted I said there would be another to follow shortly after.

     The past 9 months have been the most difficult of our lives. It’s hard to believe it has already been so long since we began this journey. Look at how far we have come though. When people hear about the accident and the struggle we have faced since it never fails that they apologize. There is nothing to be sorry for. In the past 9 months we have all grown and overcome so much. We cannot change what has happened but we remain optimistic about the future. Daniel is the most incredible man I know and I say that without the bias of being his sister. This experience has brought us even closer as a family and regardless of what happens in the future I know we will all adapt and overcome. We will be OK.

     I’m excited for Christmas this year, for the first time I can remember. But not for the presents, the decorations or even the food (that’s second). I am excited because I get to have my Brobro by my side for another Christmas. The last 19 years we have spent Christmas together and in a few short weeks we get to mark number 20 down in the books.

     As we prepare for Christmas and to ring in the New Year I want to wish you all the happiest of holidays. Thank you so much for staying by us through this. We are eternally grateful and love each and every one of you. Without you all and all of your love and support this would have been a much more difficult process. We are lucky, we are thankful. Hold your loved ones tighter this year, it has been a tough one for all of us. But we’ve made it this far and we have a long way left to travel.

We love you all.

-Laura

     I have a lot of updating to do and I promise it will come soon, sooner than later. I got to spend about a week with mom and Dan before the move so be ready to read because I have a lot to talk about. 

     Through this journey we have had the chance to meet some incredible people. Patients, nurses and doctors we never would have met otherwise have a place in our hearts and our family. None have touched us more than a few of the patients at the Charlie Norwood VA hospital in Augusta, GA. It’s incredible sitting with some of the patients, amazing young men just a few years younger than I am, and hearing their stories. These “kids” almost lost their lives, laid everything on the line in Afghanistan to fight for things we generally take for granted. These young men have more courage, more dedication, more heart than I probably ever will. They truly are heroes in every right. Young men, whose lives seem to have just started, forever touched by the act of war. Young men who wake up countless times in the middle of the night from nightmares; their biggest fear is sleep and the memories it brings with it. Young men who shudder at the sound of bubble wrap being popped. Young men with all the courage in their hearts taken back to an awful place, a terrifying time, by a small noise. Their bodies will heal but they will be forever changed.

     With Veteran’s Day approaching I ask that you take a moment out of your day to write a note or send a card to the amazing men and women at the Active Duty Rehab of Charlie Norwood VA hospital. Let them know that someone is thinking about them because the worst feeling is the feeling of being forgotten. These men and women truly are heroes.

Charlie Norwood VAMC-Augusta
1 Freedom Way
3E Active Duty Rehab
Augusta, GA
30904

-Laura 

Sibling’s Day

So (according to my Facebook friends) today is Sibling’s Day. Boy do I have a reason to celebrate! :) Daniel, I love you. You are the best little/big brother I could have ever hoped for. I am so proud of the man you have become. Your courage and strength never ceases to amaze and inspire me. You really are my hero. There isn’t a single day that I’m ungrateful for you and the incredible bond that we have. You are my hero. :) It has been amazing being able to spend these almost 20 years with you (we’re getting old!) and I look forward to many many more. Thank you for always standing beside me and supporting me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and always forgiving me. Thank you for everything. I love you so much Brobro. Happy Sibling’s Day to THE BEST brother there is.
-Laura

     When we were little Daniel was my sidekick, the Robin to my Batman. He learned to walk at a young age to follow me around. But when I asked mom when he learned to talk she said he was “late”. Apparently before Dan started talking he would just point at something and I would tell mom what it was he wanted. I laughed and said “Hey, I do that now!” Eventually Daniel found his own voice (and once he did he didn’t stop talking). I am happy to say that voice has returned.

     Early last week mom called me and asked if I could understand what Daniel was trying to say. His second set of “first words” were OK and Papa. It was hard to understand what he was saying. You could tell he was making sounds but he was so breathy that it was almost impossible to decipher over the phone. A few days later Daniel called me and we had a full conversation. It was incredible.

     When the doctor’s told us Daniel might never talk again I was overcome with a wave of emotion. I was angry that something so seemingly simple could be taken from him. I was saddened at the thought that I may never hear his voice again, may never hear him tell me he loved me. I was hopeful, he had already beaten so many odds that it just seemed like another challenge for him to conquer. I knew that with technology the way it is today he would find another mode of communication but for a while it was up to us to guess what it was he wanted or needed at the time. (I think we would kick some tail at Charades now.) We could still have good conversations using yes or no questions but I wanted to hear his voice so badly. 

     When I received that phone call a few days after initially hearing Daniel talk again I got to hear my brother tell me he loved me. As you all know by now, I’m the biggest cry baby in the world…I cried and then cried some more. 

     Brobro, You are by far the most incredible person I have ever met. The things you have accomplished are nothing short of a miracle. I envy your strength and determination. I am humbled by all you have overcome. I am grateful for each and every day I get to spend with you. I look forward to seeing what you have yet to accomplish, the challenges you will continue to overcome. Above all I love you, unconditionally. I am lucky to be your sister and to share a bond with you that no one else has. I love you Dan.

-Laura

Shortly after Daniel’s accident I stumbled upon the blog Rockstar Ronan. I began reading about a young mother’s journey battling her son’s cancer. I felt for this young mother. I cried with her, I was angry with her, I felt the same sort of hopelessness. I identified with this woman; although it wasn’t in the same capacity I knew exactly how she felt. When I started this blog I hoped to share the same sort of raw emotion. I hoped that on the good days you would all feel our joy, on the bad days I hoped you would understand our sadness. I wanted to convey my thoughts and emotions in the same unedited way Maya Thompson did. Ronan died on May 9, 2011. The little boy with the striking blue eyes would have had his fourth birthday in three days. I learned about his life in his death; through his mother’s word he has become immortal. Today I watched Taylor Swift’s performance at the Stand Up to Cancer telethon and sobbed. All of the money made from the song is being donated to various cancer charities and the Ronan Thompson Foundation. Listen to the song, if you like it support the cause by purchasing it. As you listen take a moment to reflect, be thankful for all you have. If you’re the type to pray, please say a little prayer for Maya and for Ronan.